Me

A lot of people think they know me. I have more than a hundred Facebook friends, and I suspect at least a handful haven’t muted me.

But do YOU really know me?

Take this quiz to find out. (The questions are in the third person, which is weird. But I tried it in first person, and that was weird too, probably because you’re not meant to write quizzes about yourself.)

1. What is Penny’s favourite book?
2. Does Penny like filling in forms?
3. Has Penny read Ulysses by James Joyce?
4. How many of Penny’s sisters are currently in Australia?
5. Who is Penny’s favourite boy from Dead Poet’s Society?
6. What does Penny fear most?
7. What is Penny’s mother’s maiden name?
8. From the age of 12 to 25 how many times did Penny vomit?
9. Finish this sentence about Penny once uttered by one her teachers: “She’s the dud of her family, with…”
10. What’s Penny’s favourite pudding?

ANSWERS:

1. Cold Comfort Farm by Stella Gibbons. (I like the names of the cows.)
2. No. I like spreadsheets you fuckers. It’s different.
3. Yes, I have. Thank you for asking. I did read it. The whole thing.
4. Honestly, it’s easier to count fairies dancing on the head of a pin. I reckon two at the time of writing, but I’ve been wrong before.
5. I love them all except the one who snitched. Don’t fence me in.
6. Feeling scared when I die.
7. This is a tricky question the computer asks me sometimes. I know it’s one of two options and that’s all I’ll say.
8. None. Thirteen years solid. It was a good run.
9. “No sense of humour.”
10. Lemon delicious. Clue’s in the name.

KEY:

0-10 correct: You almost certainly know me and have not yet muted me on Facebook. I consider you a soulmate.