Today I spent the day talking about Neighbours for the podcast Neighbuzz. Discussing the show makes me realise that almost nothing has happened in my life. I have never given anyone an emergency tracheotomy with a biro like Susan. I have never had a love child with my best friend’s husband like Steph. I have never died and come back from the dead like Harold (and Jesus).

And I’m not aware of my neighbours doing these things either. Here are my top most interesting things that my neighbours have ever done.

1. Our next door neighbour in Wangaratta had a pool. We were allowed to go over and use it. Actually, that is very Ramsay Street.

2. In Newstead the house on the corner was abandoned and two Rottweilers were left behind. They used to leap out barkingat us as we walked to the school bus until the council came and took them away. I think the people who used to live there were probably not very nice.

3. In my first share house our next door neighbour left a pile of rubbish against the fence and it spontaneously combusted and burnt down our garage. We weren’t home but apparently the fire trucks came and the whole street came outside in their pyjamas. If this was on the show Neighbours we could call it GARAGE SHOCK FIRE WEEK.

4. When I lived in a sharehouse on Amess Street the next door neighbour was into homeopathy, which we all thought was bullshit but apart from that he was quite nice. We could hear their family conversations through the walls. We did not care for the way his teenage children spoke to their mother. Perhaps he could try some respect diluted 1 part to a million to see if that helps.

5. In Washington DC we rented the basement of a four-storey terrace house in Dupont Circle. Our landlords lived upstairs. They were very nice and used to lend us their very beautiful dining chairs when we crammed people in for dinner.

6. I can’t say too much but there was recently a suspicious fire in our laneway. Is someone on the street a killer? Doubtful.

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