Once a year I spend an entire day perched on a dinner plate. This is my report from 2020.
7am Wake up. Go to toilet then get straight on the plate (white china).
8am Eat breakfast (toast with jam).
9am Listen to a podcast and pretend the hosts are my friends.
10am Exercise – arm weights, cuticle stretches and heel raises.
11am Drink small glass of lemon juice. I limit liquids because going to the toilet on the plate is bad.
12pm Lunch (bread and cheese).
1pm Post lunch slump. Alternate squatting and standing to stay alert and interested in staying alive.
2pm Make lists.
3pm Afternoon tea (large muffin with a thimble of tea).
4pm Chat to friends on the phone. Laugh, share joys and disappointments. Actually, just listening to another podcast.
5pm Getting tired now. Attempt to sit down on the plate. Fail. Simply not enough room.
6pm Watch TV while meditating.
7pm Dinner (something steamed).
8pm Reply to emails. As I haven’t received any, reply to strangers’ posts on Twitter.
9pm Read a book while nibbling one small square of dark leather.
10pm Get off the plate. Whew! I did it again. Toilet. Bed.