Life Advice for Doing it ALL

28 June 2015 20150628_123026

(This duck looks calm on the surface but is actually on fire underneath the water.)

I pretty much have it all.

A house, children, sometimes a job and appropriate footwear. I’m very busy and important. So how DO I do it? I’ve squeezed yet another task into my hectic day and written a list of my top life advice on how to do more and be more like me.

As you’ll see from the list below, no socio-economic issues or privileges are involved at all. It’s all just about phones, coffee, water, exercise and stuff.

1. Coffee

When I make myself a coffee (I indulge in Nescafe Gold but you do what you can) I always put the milk in the cup first and dissolve the coffee granules, before pouring in the hot water. I think it tastes better and adds a little element of luxury to my day.

2. Coffee again

Sometimes at work I stir a spoonful of Milo in with my cup of Blend 43. I call it ‘a delicious Nescafe mocha’ and my workmates never get sick of hearing about it.

3. Podcasts

These days I never listen to podcasts in the shower. I used to, but the volume wasn’t loud enough so I couldn’t hear them properly. Now I pause the podcast just before I get into the shower and switch it back on when I get out to dry myself. That way, I don’t miss anything but also minimise the moments of silence where I might contemplate the meaninglessness of existence.

4. Stairs

I always take the stairs at work. It is good exercise and for a short time, no-one can see me in the stairwell so I can let my face relax and express my true desperation or laugh.

5. Phones

When I’m with my children I  never look at my phone while I’m looking at other parents looking at their phones and judging them for looking at their phones. Most of the rest of the time I am looking at my phone for a very good reason.

6. Water

When I’m thirsty I’ll have a drink of water. This is absolutely essential if you want to keep up with a busy schedule and not die.

7. Make-up

I don’t wear make-up and this saves a lot of time. How do I disguise bags under my eyes? I let all my minimalist grooming habits distract from each other in a virtuous circle.

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