I Quit Soil!


Cross section of soil layers.

Brindy Quokka’s latest book I Quit Soil has made waves in the food community by advocating a diet free of soils, dirt and wax. I decided to try it myself under the guidance of Brindy herself.

Brindy takes me to her favourite soil-free café. She orders for both of us and I’m happy to have her in charge.

I’m doubtful about the lunch but it turns out that washed salad leaves taste good. I’m less certain about the dust-free croutons, but I admit they have a satisfying crunch.

The first thing I ask Brindy is: “Will I be hungry?”

Brindy laughs, “No! You won’t be depriving yourself at all. That’s what I Quit Soil is all about. You can feel full, nourished and satisfied without ingesting soil.”

I leave our grit-free lunch feeling inspired (but still a little nervous) about the week ahead. I also have a lot to do to prepare.

I go home and discard all the soil-based, or soil-containing food in my house. Luckily, it’s bin night because mine is overflowing.

Brindy recommends beginning the soil-detox phase with a clean house to remove the temptation to graze. I thoroughly clean the bathroom, kitchen and sweep all the floors. I burn all my candles to stubs and throw the remaining wax away (okay, I had a tiny taste but it’s my last night of freedom).

I look around my dirt-free house. According to Brindy, I’m ready for this.

My soil-free week

For the first two days of the diet I’m only allowed to eat certified soil-free canned or packaged foods. By midday I’m pining for gravel. But I take Brindy’s advice and satisfy my cravings with a packet of boiled lollies.

On days three and four, I’m allowed to eat fresh foods, as long as I wash them vigorously. At the end of day four I crack and lick a grubby window sill. I call Brindy straight away to confess. She tells me not to worry. I drink some filtered water and move on.

On the last day of my first soil-free week, I go out with colleagues after work. They are keen to hear about my dirt-free week. I am very tempted to pick at the compost flavoured chips in the centre of the table. Luckily, I have prepared for this moment. I take a deep breath and remember Brindy’s tips for staying pure when so-called friends try to sabotage the new you. I go home.

After a week of a soil-free diet I feel better, have more energy, and am nicer to cats.

I Quit Soil by Brindy Quokka RRP: $27.99

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