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Sorry, you’ve been making your instant coffee all wrong

February 28th, 2017

Instant coffee

(Image shows a jar of Nescafe, kettle and two mugs)

You might think that a hot beverage with a maximum of four ingredients (coffee, water, milk, sugar) and which only requires three implements to make (kettle, spoon, cup) would be hard to get wrong. But guess what? There are lots of ways to fail at making the perfect cup of instant coffee. Here are the common mistakes that people make, which you won’t after reading this.

Adding the hot water before the milk

For the love of God, when making a white coffee, please mix the milk and coffee together first. Dissolving the granules of coffee into the milk means they won’t feel scared when the hot water is poured from the kettle. Frightened coffee equals yucky coffee and a ruined day, so please protect your coffee’s emotional well-being with a milky blanket.

Using white sugar

Nothing says ‘I have no class’ like pure white crystals. What you want is tan-coloured lumpy raw sugar. As well as oozing sophistication, raw sugar is a healthier option because it hasn’t been cooked, which is the only thing that makes sugar bad for you.

Using the wrong mug

This is subjective. Everybody draws the line in a different place, but it’s important that you stay behind your own. For me, the green mug with pictures of candy canes and santas is a bridge too far. If candy cane santas is the only mug left in the cupboard I will give it to a visitor or wash something else for myself. I know this seems drastic but you will not be able to enjoy your delicious coffee if it is presented in the mug that makes you think ‘Not that mug. I hate that mug’.

Spooning International Roast into a Nescafe jar

You fool no-one and you will probably lose all your friends and die alone. I know people think I live in a gilded cage of privilege and to that I say squawk. But even from my diamond encrusted perch I can understand that not everyone can afford Nescafe Gold. And I believe that some people actually prefer the brands they purchase in bulk from cut price foreign supermarkets. And that is fine. As long as you are up front about it.

And put the milk in first.

Posted in Coffee

2 Responses

  1. Motherx

    White mug for me. No background noise to distract taste buds.

  2. Michael

    Milk before water madness, historically correct I will give you that

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