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If You Need Annual Report 2018-19

Sunday June 2nd, 2019 in Craft, Netball, Sport | No Comments »

Mission statement

If You Need sells high quality bags made from real netball bibs. Like a true Wing Defence we are here if you need.

Reach

2018-19 was a year of growth for If You Need, with the number of netball bib bags dispatched increasing four-fold on the previous financial year.

These figures were significantly below the target of 625,721. This target was set to align with the number of Australians who play netball according to AusSport.

This shortfall means that at least 625,525 Australian netballers don’t own a netball bib bag, or at best, are sharing one with a friend. This estimate is conservative, as it is known that some netball bib bag owners aren’t netballers and just find them useful.

Communication

If You Need posted regularly on Facebook and Instagram to show netball bib bag in all their forms. We also Liked lots of photos of people playing netball.

Diversity

If You Need believes in the equality of all netball positions. We are pleased to report that netball position diversity noticeably improved in 2018-19. However, Wing Defence and Wing Attack bags are still under-represented and this requires action. If You Need will continue to work to achieve our target of equal distribution through our awareness raising campaign Wings of Pride.

Chart of netball bib bag sales by position for 2017-18 and 2018-19

 

Facilities

It is currently possible to securely fit the lids on the storage containers for fabric linings. It is not possible to shut the lid on the netball bib container. Recent progress has allowed managers to clip one side.

Plastic box with lid filled with fabric with one side only closed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Visits to Gumtree to look for more netball bibs are now considered to have a reached safe levels and are classified as ‘under control’.

Netballstrology

If You Need’s 2018 netballstrology predictions were checked against real-world performance and were found to be 100% accurate. There were a lot of ankle injuries.

Key Performance Indicators

KPI Target Actual 2018-19 Variance % 2017-18
Number of bags sold 625721 196 -99.97% 45
Proportion WD 14% 12% -14% 7%
Proportion GD 14% 15% 7% 9%
Proportion GK 14% 13% -7% 13%
Proportion GS 14% 16% 11% 22%
Proportion GA 14% 14% 0% 18%
Proportion WA 14% 13% -7% 11%
Proportion C 14% 15% 7% 13%
Can the lid close on the netball bib storage box? Yes No NA Yes
Can the lid close on the fabric lining storage box? Yes Yes NA Yes
Accuracy of 2018 netballstrology predictions 100% 100% 0% NA

 

Ideas for netball novels

Tuesday September 18th, 2018 in Netball, Sport, Writing | No Comments »

There are a number of middle-grade books about netball including the Netball Gems series and Sporty Kids: Netball!

And yet, it seems that in other genres, netball has been missing from our literary works. To begin to rectify this, I’ve drawn up a list of netball fiction ideas. I’m happy for anyone to take one of these ideas and run with it (as long as you dispose of it before your landed foot hits the ground again.)

Women wearing netball uniforms jostling. Text Murder on the Transverse line and P Tangey.Crime fiction

Murder on the Transverse Line

A Goal Attack with an ankle injury begins to investigate crime after a member of the opposition is found dead in the netball balls bag.

 

Shirtless man facing away from camera, woman holding netball in goal keeper bib. Text Penelope Tangey, The KeeperRomance

The Keeper

Freya isn’t married and starts a mixed-netball team with her long-term boyfriend.  Freya thinks she loves him, but he plays Goal Attack and insists on taking free passes in the Centre third. Is he really a keeper after all?

 

Rusty Netball ring. Text: P.A. Tangey above and Score below.Literary Fiction

Score

A middle-aged man cheats on his wife with her entire netball team and thinks about dead leaves and rust.

 

Netball ring from below, oranges on a plate, man in paddock chewing grass. Text Penny Tangey Oranges actually are the only fruit

Rural Romance

Oranges actually are the only fruit

A city lawyer returns to the country town of Balanganan after her parents die. She tries to run the family citrus farm, which is very difficult actually. She joins a netball team to unwind, but do they really want her ball skills or just her free oranges?

Picture of small dog in Centre netball bib jacketClassic Children’s Literature

Five Refuse to Forfeit

The Famous Five are badly let down by their Dorset cousins and are left without a full team for the semis. Will the umpire notice that Timmy is a dog and Anne is pregnant?

If the Baby-Sitters Club played netball

Friday May 4th, 2018 in Baby-Sitters Club, Netball, Sport | No Comments »

How did I only just think of this? Let’s not waste anymore time.

Kristy

Obviously, Kristy plays Centre.

During a close semi-final Kristy deliberately steps into the opposition goal circle to draw a free pass and prevent a shot at goal. Her plan works but her guilt at her own un-sportspersonlike behaviour takes a whole book to work through. #676 Kristy and the Umpire Who Should Have Called Advantage.

Mary Anne

Wing Attack. Because, you know, blah.

In #5456 Mary Anne Forgets her Netball Nicks, she and her steady boyfriend, Logan, start a mixed netball team to make their relationship stronger. Unfortunately, evil bitch Cookie is on the opposing team and dobs Mary Anne in for a uniform violation. Luckily, Logan sees through Cookie’s evil plan and they break her finger.

Stacey

Goal Attack. If you need me to explain why, it’s hard to understand why you’re reading this. Stacey is sophisticated AND up-herself.

Stacey has too many oranges. #43243 The Truth About Stacey is She Has Something Stuck in her Teeth.

Claudia

Goal Shooter – because she’s lazy, but useful.

Claudia wants to quit netball to concentrate on eating junk food and reading erotica. In #93402 Claudia and the Sad Shooting Percentage, Kristy finally replaces Claudia with her seven-year-old sister Karen Two-two. Unfortunately, Karen is also committed to another netball team and gets an ankle injury from pivoting too much. Kristy makes Claudia rejoin the team.

Dawn

Goal Defence – because she works hard and then judges.

In #3423964 Dawn Saves the Game, Dawn makes natural, chemical-free, organic deodorant for the whole team. They all pretend to wear it, and Dawn can’t smell herself, so she thinks it works.

Jessi

Goal Keeper – because Jessi is tall and graceful, and, as a ballet dancer, she can balance on one leg.

In #89042 Jessi and the Big Decision, Jessi is forced to choose between netball and ballet. She chooses ballet.

Mallory

Wing Defence. I’ve never been more certain of anything in my life.

In #4342 Mallory is Here If You Need, Mallory thinks her longed for chance to play Centre has arrived when Kristy is sidelined with hepatitis. But, instead, Kristy organises for Shannon to fill in. Mallory learns that she will never be important, just as she will never be older than eleven and get to baby-sit at night. She starts bringing the oranges.

FAQs – Netball Bib Bags

Saturday December 30th, 2017 in Craft, Netball, Sport | No Comments »

Three netball bib bags. Two black in back and one green Wing Attack bag at front

I’ve become tired of answering the same questions about my netball bib bags (sold through the Etsy shop If You Need). I’ve prepared this list of answers to Frequently Asked Questions.

I have hands and arms. Why should I use a bag to carry things?

Bags can greatly assist in the ease and efficiency of transporting a range of items. I’ve written more fully on the topic here. Although it can feel strange at first, most people who start using bags say they wish they had done so earlier.

Were any netballers harmed in the production of your bags?

If You Need is a certified netballer friendly organisation. Our netball bib bags are made from 100% genuine netball bibs. All netball players are safely and ethically removed before processing begins.

Are netball bib bags reversible?

Yes. Netball bib bags are lined and can be reversed by turning them inside out. Reversing the bag will hide the bib’s position, so this is the suggested styling for Wing Defence bags.

Can I carry a netball bib bag with a position I don’t play?

There’s no law against it, it’s a matter of conscience.

How many netball bib bags should I own?

One hundred is too many, zero is too few. While there are no hard and fast rules to work this out I’ve found that your age divided by three plus seven is generally ample.

Do you make anything else out of netball bibs?

This is an area of current research and development. Plans for future development using netball bibs include a perpetual motion machine and gold.

Your future in 2018 according to Netballstrology

Tuesday December 26th, 2017 in Craft, Netball, Sport | No Comments »

Astrology chart overwritten with netball positions and with an orange in the centre.

Your netball position is highly predictive of your future. I’ve spent many hours meditating on an orange (very painful and sticky) in order to divine these uncannily accurate netballstrology readings. Read on to find out what 2018 has in store for you.

Note: The bags pictured are available at www.ifyouneed.etsy.com

Green Goal Shooter netball bib bagGoal Shooter

With Mercury peeling the orange in 2018, this should be a great year for Shooters.

Career

You are a person who can take the long-view. That is because you are tall. If not, you might want to reconsider your position in 2018. If you decide to stay in your current role, you should try to get a window seat at your workplace. You might have a lot of time to stare out of it.

Relationships

I’m seeing a lot of armpits in your life in 2018. As usual, ignore them. (I’m really talking about romance.) You have the good sense to stay in the place where you’re most needed, so don’t let anyone tempt you into areas you’re not comfortable in.

Health

On court, Goal Shooters have finely tuned minds with a laser-like focus on accuracy. Once the game is over they are likely to wander off without handing in their bib. Keep your brain nimble by eating good oils and also watch out for ankle injuries.

 

Blue Goal Attack netball bib bagGoal Attack

With the goal-post waxing in 2018, this will be a year where Goal Attacks’ versatility and skill can shine. In June you will kill again.

Career

Some people have one job, but you have at least two and you’re great at both. You’re a go-getter but you’re also quite accurate when you let go of the ball. So, don’t hold back with your opinions in the workplace. If you see something you don’t agree with, in an area you’re not technically allowed in, stand as close as you can and shout advice.

Love

In 2018 try not to worry if a relationship doesn’t work out as you planned. Chances are, someone else was obstructing you and you’ll get another crack at it.

Health

You’re good at ignoring armpits thrust in your face but don’t forget to check your breasts if you have them.

 

Yellow Goal Keeper netball bib bagGoal Keeper

With the weakness in the opposition attack in 2018, this should be a quiet year for Goal Keepers.

Career

If you’re working for a successful organisation, you may have little to do in 2018. Relish this and work on mindfulness. How many things can you smell that aren’t Deep Heat? Keep a list.

Love

We all know that the best way to attract a mate is to stick your armpit in their face. Keep using that tactic in 2018, it’s bound to work eventually.

Health

Sitting is the new smoking and we’re all supposed to stand more. This is good news for Goal Keepers who spend most of their time upright and stationary. To make this activity even more beneficial, do some pelvic floor exercises.

 

Light blue Goal Defence netball bib bagGoal Defence

The goal circle is still a semi-circle in 2018, which means Goal Defenders can expect the relentless grind to continue this year.

Career

In 2017 you did twice as much work as your colleague for the same reward in oranges. It’s your own fault for being so damn competent. Nothing will change in 2018. Now jog back for the centre pass and get on with it.

Love

When it comes to love, you have to be in it to win it. You should stick your arms up at every opportunity, provided you’re the legally mandated distance away. Having said that, rebounds are your best chance in 2018, so watch out for other people’s failures and be ready to pounce.

Health

You spend so much time fixing other people’s mistakes that it’s hard to find time to look after yourself. On the bright side, at least you’re getting plenty of exercise.

 

Red Wing Attack netball bib bagWing Attack

With the sun hovering over the transverse line, Wing Attacks can expect a big year in 2018. Unless one of their team members doesn’t turn up, when you might have to play in goals, which will be a disaster as per usual.

Career

Wing Attacks – are you living up to your potential? Do I hear you say no? Actually, the answer is yes. The truth is, just like how you don’t play Centre, you’re where you are in your career for a reason. And that reason is limited talent. “Keep doing what you’re doing” said the man to the tree as if it needed his advice.

Love

Singles – showing people they need you is a wonderful way to make them love you. That’s why you bring the oranges, right? In the second half of the year you will try a similar tactic on a love interest by baking cakes.

Paired-up Wing Attacks can expect to continue to be the only one in the relationship who makes the cakes.

 

Blue Wing Defence netball bib bagWing Defence

2018 should be a bumper year for Wing Defenders provided they don’t have unrealistic expectations of receiving love or recognition.

Career

Just because you’re the first person to be offered a redundancy when your workplace restructures, doesn’t mean your role’s contribution isn’t considered as important as other people’s. Actually, that’s exactly what it means. But just because you will never receive any reward or recognition, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try your hardest.

Love

When you see other people enjoying each other’s company, stand as close as you’re legally able and let them know that you’re there if they need you.  They don’t, but that is hardly the point.

Health

Watch out for ankle injuries.

 

Centre

Assuming you win the toss, 2018 starts with you; it’s just a shame it will also involve less competent people.

Career

You’ve usually got an iron in every fire and 2018 will be no exception – you’ll be all over the place, in a good way, of course. However, there’s still the pesky matter of the goal circles where other people will ruin or validate your good-work.  You can’t control everything. Let it go. By which I mean, scream instructions at your colleagues. Remember, you will be the one who fixes their mistakes…and then they will make more of them.

Love

“Centres should try seeing things from their partner’s perspective” says the person who knows nothing about power dynamics. As a wise Centre you know that you’re indispensable, so do what you want and have fun love-rat!

Health

Do you feel exhausted? Probably, but better than being lazy like everyone else, am I right? You’re at least a third healthier than anyone else you know so let smugness be your energy.

Money

I’m joking. This has no relevance to netball. In 2018 you will come into a lot of citrus fruit. Eat as much as you want, you deserve it.