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Which netball position will you play in the afterlife?

Sunday April 14th, 2019 in Quiz, Sport | No Comments »

It is my personal belief that after death those who have led a virtuous life and fairly shared the oranges will go to paradise and play the netball position they truly deserve. This quiz will help you know what bib to grab in nirvana.

Something is on fire. What do you do?

a. Run into the fire screaming instructions.

b. Put out the fire by jumping in front of it.

c. Point at the sky to make it rain.

d. Stand and watch. You started the fire, someone else can put it out.

e. Plot your own revenge fire.

e. Stand nearby and offer assistance.

f. Stand nearby and get in the way.

 

How do you like to run?

a. Hither and thither all the live long day.

b. Up until a certain point and then back again.

c. No.

d. In a small box.

e. As far as you can while still able to get home quick.

e. No more than two thirds the total distance.

f. Very fast on the sound of a whistle.

 

Something very bad has happened. Who is to blame?

a. The rest of the team.

b.  Fate, but you’ll get it back.

c. The attackers.

d. The defenders.

e.  The umpire.

f. You and only you.

g. The coach for not letting you play centre.

 

What gets hurts the most?

a. Your Achilles tendon. It was Achilles Achilles and it’s also yours.

b. People who stand in your way.

c. Anyone near you during a rebound.

d. Your ankle.

e. Anyone who suggests you have a quarter off.

f. Your voice from calling for the ball.

g. Your feelings.

 

Who (alive, dead or fictional) would you most like to have dinner with after a game?

a. Your team so they can download your thoughts while they’re fresh.

b. Sun Tzu

c. Liz Ellis

d. Your mum so she can tell you how great you played.

e. The umpire so you can explain how to blow the whistle and call contact.

f. The Bloomsbury set.

g. Your coach to talk about when you’ll get a run in Centre.

 

Mostly As. 

You are a centre. In heaven you will probably get a lot of high fives from the almighty.

Mostly Bs.

Your spirit position is Goal Defence. In life, you have constantly saved the day with little recognition. This will not change after death.

Mostly Cs.

You are a Goal Keeper. You will rest in peace, just as you did when the ball was in the attacking end of the court.

Mostly Ds.

You are a Goal Shooter. The glory and the honour is yours forever and ever.

Mostly Es

You are a Goal Attack. You worked hard your entire life and were justly rewarded but it turns out there will be even more rewards for you in the sky.

Mostly Fs

You are a Wing Defence. Although some would be scrambling for reincarnation you are happy with your position. Enjoy your place at the right hand of the Centre.

Mostly Gs.

You are a Wing Attack. You may be surprised to find yourself here, but no-one else is. Look forward to an eternity of getting out for the centre pass.

Which original Baby-Sitters Club member are you?

Friday May 12th, 2017 in Baby-Sitters Club, Quiz | No Comments »

BSC

Today I was talking to a friend about which Baby-Sitters Club members we are most like. Why yes, I am very busy and important. With a sinking feeling I realised the answer for me is clearly Mallory. My friend was kind enough to throw Mary Anne into the mix, but it’s grim.

I believe we can change though, so I’ve written this quiz to help answer the question: Which ORIGINAL member of the Baby-Sitters Club are you?

I know I’m not Robinson Crusoe here, but guys, I’m Mallory, you can’t expect much except whinging.

A. What shape are your eyes?

  1. a) Don’t know – I never look in the mirror.
  2. b) Eye shaped.
  3. c) Cow-eye shaped.
  4. d) Almond shaped.

B. What are you wearing?

  1. a) A turtleneck. Very cruel to turtles but so comfortable!
  2. b) Purple high-tops and a silver tent.
  3. c) A cable knit jumper, plaid skirt and Mary Janes. Very cruel to Mary Janes, but so comfortable!
  4. d) All of the above.

C. When was the last time you played sport?

  1. a) Now.
  2. b) When I threw a ball of yarn to my kitten.
  3. c) Does eating candy bars count?
  4. d) I do squats to keep my hair bouncy.

D. Do you have a best friend?

  1. a) Yes.
  2. b) Yes.
  3. c) Yes.
  4. d) I have two and it’s creating conflict. I bet they both answer yes to this question. God. They don’t own me.

E. Are you boy crazy?

  1. a) Do I think liking boys is crazy? Yes.
  2. b) Yes.
  3. c) I have a steady boyfriend, which is crazy because all my friends think I’m frigid. They say “shy” but I know what they mean.
  4. d) No. I am boy mental health episode though.

F. Have you ever saved the day?

  1. a) Dude, I wrote the day.
  2. b) Yes and that’s why my dad decided to let me wear my hair down and I got nits.
  3. c) I’ve handed out a lot of candy, that usually saves the day except for putting my friend in a diabetic coma. Shut up, I am not stupid I have a really high IQ.
  4. d) I’m in a coma.

G. What’s the truth about you?

  1. a) Pretty boring in the end actually.
  2. b) My parents don’t love me as much as my sister. Eating helps. Who cares, don’t judge me, I don’t get zits or put on weight, type II diabetes might be a bummer at some point, but that will just help me relate to my best friend.
  3. c) Sometimes I imagine Mary Anne wearing nothing but a visor and whispering, “I’ve looked in the diary and I’m free for that sitting job.”
  4. d) Sometimes I want to be an Associate Member.

Scoring

There is no scoring system. The truth about you is that you already know the answer. I am Mallory, you are probably Kristy or Mary Anne. You’re not Claudia. You’ll never be Claudia. I’m off to throw myself on the bed and cry about it.

QUIZ: Which Anne of are you?

Wednesday March 16th, 2016 in Quiz | No Comments »

1. How do you serve red currant wine?

a) Undiluted and in huge quantities to school friends.

b) In moderation and not to minors.

c) I have all the wine now please.

 

2. How do you feel about puffed sleeves?

a) I bloody love puffed sleeves.

b) I can’t believe how many puffed sleeves have blessed my life – it’s almost getting old but it never will.

c) I used to look hot in puffed sleeves.

 

3. How do you feel about Gilbert Blythe?

a) Next time he ties my plaits to the desk I’m going to nail his dick to the wall.

b) I liked him better before he started proposing to me all the darn time.

c) I’m delighted that my career and ambitions have been subsumed by my role as wife and mother to his children, making the fact that I beat him in the exams all those years ago thrillingly pointless.

 

4. How many times do you make the same mistake?

a) Once

b) Once

c) Once

 

5 Is it a good idea to pretend to be dead in a boat?

a) Yes

b) No

c) Is that a serious offer? Can I really please be dead in a boat?

 

ANSWERS

Mostly a)Montgomery_Anne_of_Green_Gables

You are Anne of Green Gables: You have hair like a bag of carrots and a temper like a bag of especially feisty baby corns (trust me on this – anyone mentions religion or negative gearing and baby corns go sweary ranty). Your dreams are as big as your sleeves in your dreams; Let’s hope they all come true!

 

 

 

 

AnneOfTheIslandMostly b)

You are Anne of the Island: Your hair is auburn now apparently. You were probably proposed to a couple of times this week alone. You’re super smart and ready to take on the world!

 

 

 

 

 

AnneOfInglesideMostly c)

You are Anne of Ingleside: You’ve got kids. That’s all I know really, no-one reads this far in the series. That’s probably because you have kids now and it’s depressing.

Bored

Sunday October 19th, 2014 in Loving Richard Feynman, Office, Quiz | No Comments »

When I’m bored I write things.

That’s why I wrote my first book, Loving Richard Feynman. It wasn’t because I had an idea burning inside of me like a really hot burning thing. I didn’t feel compelled to express my myriad of thoughts and emotions or otherwise burst. It was because I was living overseas with no job and no friends and I was really, really bored. Writing took up time and gave me a sense of purpose and achievement (sometimes).

A lot of the things I write because I’m bored never actually ‘go anywhere’. I show them to a few relevant people, hopefully they enjoy it, then we all move on. They don’t become published books, or plays, or official merchandise.

Metaly, I’m a little bored tonight, which is why I’m writing this. Here’s some other things I wrote just cos I was bored:

Fake Cosmopolitan quizzes

I wrote these in high school when I often found school life less than completely stimulating. My quizzes had titles like, Are you a Sex Maniac? and Do I Hate You? They are too rude and angry to reproduce.

Fake essay questions

When I friend missed a class in Year 12 I told her we had been given an extra essay to do. The questions I made up were on Maestro by Peter Goldsworthy

“Rosie wasn’t wearing any knickers”: Paul’s growing sexual awareness completely overtakes his life to the extent that the Maestro and the musical world must always take second place. If the Maestro had worn no knickers, Paul would have shown more interest in his life’s story and learning the piano. Discuss.

My friend believed me for about thirty seconds and her panic amused me.

Public Service Fortune teller

I’m not saying that I’m ever bored at work, because my job is very stimulating and busy. But one day I did find time to make this at work, presumably at lunch time:

Fortune 2

Fortune 1

I’ve been told this could be turned into merch. Wouldn’t you just love to get one of these in a Kris Kringle? Personally, I would prefer an Oxfam duck.

Public Sector Values Compliance Training questions

Once again, never am I less than flat-chat and fully productive at work. But one day after work when I was a little bored I wrote these additional questions for an on-line training course we’d all just completed.

Question 1
You are having difficulties with a colleague at work. You suspect that she rushed a particular assignment and did a poor job. You are concerned this will reflect badly on your department and make kittens sad.

What should you do?
(There may be more than one correct answer.)

a) Talk to your manager about your concerns.

b) Resort to force

Question 2
You are invited to talk to the Parliament. Which of the following questions might you be asked?
(there are 2.4 correct answers)

a. How was your weekend?

b) Have you ever been to Long Island?

c) How are things going over there at your government department, agencies or statutory body?

d) Are we at the end of history?

e) How many angels can dance on the head of a pin?

Question 3
You should not be responsive, responsible, accountable, transparent nor nice to old people in the workplace.

a) True

b) False

Fortunately all of my colleagues were able to pass this test. See how you go. The answers are in your mind.